5. maybe next cycle...




maybe next cycle... 

Friday- a month later

Started my very delayed period this week. I even took a pregnancy test because.. you know… miracles and I am deluded. They (the clinic) wanted me to wait another cycle before starting (which would have been nice to know…) frozen embryo transfer. 

I was all ready to go but I had been feeling quite burnt out recently. Losing hair, losing sleep and gaining anxiety. I knew my thyroid would be out. Turns out my blood work said that I was over medicating but I actually wasn’t taking any thyroid medication because it was making me sick. So turns out I am 3 times the normal level for a hyperthyroid person. I am not well and I knew it was coming to this. My endo said I have a rarer type of Hashimotos where I swing hypo and hyper almost constantly.I have both Hashimotos and graves disease at the same time! I now need to take both hypo and hyper medication at the same time. Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t I just have a simple terrible life long disease. Instead I have to have two and both kinda difficult to treat. Anyways, I have to cancel this cycle because I would probably have a miscarriage (endo’s words not mine). So, after an hour of tears, despair and passing out; I have decided to just trust God and not ask why. His timing not mine. His plans not mine. Besides this gives me another month to get better. I have first hand experience going through a pregnancy when you start out bad. It gets worse. So I figure I better make sure I am the healthiest I have ever been because my pregnancies tend to cause a lot of health problems and if I start off a bit better then… I don’t know. You get the idea. It is not no, just no for now. My next entry will probably be in a month.


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